Temporary break in postings

Hi All,

I am taking a short break from posting while I recover from a virus. And no, I won't be working out in the mean time!

I hope to be back at the keyboard soon.

Love,

Renee

The Coffee Experience

7:45 am. That extra 45 minutes lounging in bed, with early sun (not fog) outside has a fine effect on my mood. I'm feeling wonderful as I meander through my oatmeal ritual.

8:25 am. My Saturday morning step class has the advantage of being a few storefronts down from Peets. I order my decaf capp "for here", which means it comes in a ceramic cup and saucer. Delightful on a sunny bench outside.

Excuse me while I digress, but I often wonder why I almost always have the only ceramic cup in a coffee bar. Do others who I see drink their drinks in, not know the words "for here"? Just about everyone else drinks from paper, which conveniently gets tossed in the landfill care package ( or garbage can). I can only imagine the volume of discarded paper cups and lids from a single day. It's an eco disaster. And I'm sorry, I don't buy the argument that the energy to wash the dishes is more wasteful.

I even bring my own plastic spoon, which I tote around in my bag. It actually gets washed from time to time as well.

9:00 am. Step class. A woman asks me to move from my carefully selected spot so she can squeeze into her preferred spot. I end up in front of the fan, and on the way to the water fountain so that throughout the class people are bumping into me, and I'm blasted by the unwelcome buzz of the industrial fan.

It's a great opportunity to practice my "I love" and "I forgive" affirmations.

12:10 pm. I'm starving. 1 chicken burrito and frozen corn, eaten with my family, on plates with knifes and forks, and cloth napkins. Frozen food never had it so good.

Before I wash the sauce pan that held the corn, I scoop a couple of spoonfuls of the corn infused water directly into my mouth. No one was looking.

3:30 pm. I'm about a 1.5 on my scale, but have a Zen bun anyway. I'm wanting more when I finish, but I'm not hungry enough. I know it will spoil my dinner if I eat more.

5:30 pm. 1 clementine.

6:30 pm. Munching on red pepper and baby carrots that I've served the kids. It's an automatic reaction to food I've classified as healthy and harmless.

7:00 pm. I'm part way through a birthday party for my son with 14 children in my home, some of whom are sleeping over. They have finished their meal and the movie goes on. Peace. Ahhhhh. We eat something I didn't eat for about 17 years. Pizza. With veggie topping of course. And steamed broccoli with my favorite Goddess dressing and balsamic vinegar.

I wasn't super hungry when I started, but somehow my appetite opens up when I start. Pizza eaten with a knife and fork surprisingly meets my need for ceremony around my evening meal. Well, the first slice and a half are eaten this way. My husband's crusts, and the last 1/2 piece are eaten, err, less ceremoniously.

And 1.5 glasses of red wine in a big round glass that magnifies the experience. Very nice.

BTW, the birthday cake has that not quite food smell of food colorings in commercial cakes. Not appealing. Yes, I let my kids have these cakes when I don't make one myself. It's a slice or two a year. They will survive it, I'm sure, and I feel less bad about throwing away the leftovers.

Now, just to get 8 kids to sleep...

Vestiges of Fat Phobia

6:45 am. It's a high intensity weight day and I am not up for it. I remember how much I have benefited from taking a rest day when my body wants it, plus I have to get my book proposal out today for the sake of my own sanity. It's a deal.

7:15 am. what else?

12:15 pm. There seems to be a rather large space in my stomach that would like to be filled. I order a small cup of soup -clear broth and a bite of chicken with a few veggie type things. Then I get my usual Thai veggies with steamed tofu, and alas, white rice. I go from a 0.25 to a 3.0 on my scale.

I'm still hungry by the time I return and have visions of my Zen roll. Today it will be eaten with the absolutely delectable cheese I bought for my hubby on Valentines Day. I can't wait, but I have no choice.

3:45 pm. The roll with a schmear of "La Tur" cheese that has been sitting at room temperature for the last two days developing it's stinkyness. It tastes like clotted cream with an attitude. Heaven. The schmear goes on one half (the smaller), the other I eat plain. I know it's a lot richer than my usual string cheese, and I want to be hungry for dinner.

7:30 pm. I really didn't want to cook, but one has to eat. I assemble the easiest meal I can manage. Then get a little carried away with the cous cous.

Whole wheat couscous seasoned with sauteed onion, sundried tomatoes, and garlic crushed right into the water. I'm feeling reckless so I put in what I consider a lot of butter. It's probably about 1T, maybe a bit more for the batch I make for my family of four, with leftovers.

Years ago, when already thin, but a nutcase about it, I figured out that fat caries a lot of calories for it's volume. To me, that meant bad value. So I eliminated virtually all fat from my diet. I remember eating huge volumes of food, and never feeling satisfied, in spite of quantities that would make an NFL player proud.

I've since relaxed my standards, as evidenced by my whole milk cappuccinos, and I'm much the happier for it. Still, my benchmark for fat quantities seems to be dramatically lower than it is for most. Butter goes on bread in a gossamer schmear. Oil coats the pan, and the remains are drained out. Salad dressing goes on lightly, or on the side. Good or bad, it works for me.

Oh yes, the rest of diner.

More left over red beans. A bit of cheese - Spanish Manchengo. Very nice with the beans, and a salad. I eat an impressive quantity of the cous cous, which is quite tasty.

1 medium bowl of cereal puts me to bed.

Scaling the hills and valley

6:25 am. Wow. Early. But I know this is the only window to work out, and I rouse myself out of bed thinking about how great I will feel afterwards, and I'm right. 53 and 1/2 min, more or less, scaling the hills (many) and valley (one) of my neighborhood. My stomach points out that all of the eating I did yesterday has not placated it. I'm thinking "hunger" as I pant up the first hills. Fortunately my escalating heart rate dwowns out the pangs about 20 minutes in.

8:00 oatmeal, et al. I don't have quite enough time for the decaf capp, but I do it anyway, and end up finishing it in the car sitting in the garage before pulling out. Oh well.

10:30 am. I'm starving again. I contemplate an early Zen bakery roll, but eating one now would be like eating oatmeal for dinner (I've tried this by the way). It's just not right.

I interview the available options according to how they will make my stomach feel and settle on left over brussel sprouts with that tangy Godess dressing mixed with balsamic vinegar. Why the roll is out of place in the morning but brussel sprouts are not is a unclear, but my stomach has spoken. Brussel Sprouts will be just right to get me through until lunch time.

1:15 pm Thai veggies. The brown rice smells like an old sponge for some reason. Oh well. I'll save the $1 upcharge and stick with the refined product.

5:30 pm. Starving. an apple in the car (at least I'm a passenger)

6:00 pm. Ravenous. An early dinner before a family movie. I chose a crepe filled with mushrooms, tomatoes, feta and basil. It does the job like an old Toyota. No style, no finesse, but it fills a need. I eat my salad, my potatoes, and 1/2 of my son's. I am delightfully full (a 7 on my 10 point scale).

I buy the kids a cookie for dessert, and split in half. One is bigger than the other, and to save a lot of moaning, I take a bite of the bigger side, for no other reason than to even it out and create harmony in the family. Just another generous gesture by me. Wow. It was way too sweeeeeet. But I could have eaten more.

There are free chips and cookies at the movie. Not hungry, not an option. It wasn't good stuff anyway.

All thought potatoes get me through to bed time without cereal, and I am grateful.

A Bottomless Pit Day

The day started normally enough.

7:15 oatmeal, grapes, and a particularly delightful homemade decaf. capp. One of the pleasures of life. There's a reason I'm addicted.

I wasn't able to workout in the morning as I prefer. Instead, I hoofed it to and from the BART train for a downtown appointment. I love walking for transportation. Bonus exercise, beautiful scenery, fresh air, interesting houses, shops and people. Today it was a total of about 40 min round trip, fast paced, with the added bonus of BART stairs. Yes, I walk up them, no matter how many. Why not? More bonus exercise that lifts the derriere. What's not to like?

12:30 pm. Working out when my body says lunch arouses some protestations, but I perservere. I realize how great I'll feel afterwards, and how unpleasant it is to rouse myself from afternoon immobility to exercise. I hop on the elliptical. A tape (yes, a tape, for a VCR. There are a few still in operation) of Oprah's show on "The Secret" enthralls me to 54 minutes. Love that Law of Attraction stuff. Yes. My dream is to be on Oprah too. Actually, my dream is to have Oprah as a client, then be on her show. Back to today. My goal was 50 min, so I overachieved by 4. I feel great.

2:00 pm. Thai veggies and tofu again. I learn, after I order, that they have brown rice. When did they add that to the menu? This is a major development. It doesn't get much more exciting than this.

My water comes with a straw today, and I notice they have carefully shaped the paper into a little heart in honor of Valentines day. Now that's attention to detail. I bring it home for my kids, who find it as exciting as I found the brown rice.

3:00 pm. I'm still hungry, so another Zen baker bun and string cheese. I'm still hungry.

4:45 pm. An apple. Still ravenous. 1/2 of my daughter's banana and a string cheese. Still very hungry.

7:00 pm. Absolutely empty. I prepare a large meal:

Chicken burrito
brussel sprouts
left over brown rice
salad

It occurs to me at this point that I'm having one of my "bottomless pit" days. They are fairly unusual and a real hassle. It seems no amount of food can satiate my stomach. I keep eating, and keep not filling up. After a while, I give up and go to bed. There's no point eating more since it doesn't seem to help much. Sometimes they continue into the next day.

Tonight, however, I'm not yet ready to give up.

Although I've already eaten more than my norm, I have lots of room for more. 3/4 of a chicken tamale salvaged from my kid's plates (waste not want not, and all that). I'm temporarily full, but feel it's just a volume issue. In a few minutes, my stomach asks for more calories, please. "Remember all that exercise you did today?" it says.

Tonight, it's an adult bowl of cereal, a second, and the remains of my son's.

It's definitely an impressive amount of food, and guess what. As I write, I'm still very hungry. It's time for bed.

Visual Cues

It's clear by the delayed reaction of my body to my mind's orders that today will be a rest day. Rest days are supposed to be meditation days, but somehow that didn't happen either.

I'm feeling yesterday's exuberance in the gym as well those face plants into the powder over the weekend. Every twinge of soreness reminds me that I have done well, that I am alive.

8:00 am. Oatmeal, etc.
12:30 pm. Peasant Pie and vegetarian chili
6:00 pm. I fantasized about a Zen bakery bun at 2:30, but my schedule didn't provide for one. Driving home from school, I'm starving. My daughter offers to share her apple and I refuse. It seems too acidic. I would rather have my meal.

Then I get the left over bag when we arrive home. A quick glance down and I see my children have left lots of fruit attached to the core. Somehow the visual cue activates my hunger, which reminds me that I hate to waste food, and my habit of of eating every last morsel off of apple cores that originated when I was on a 750 calories a day diet 25 years ago. All this engages my arm, causing me to nibble on the remains. Not unlike a hamster. A lot can transpire in an instant.

And yet, it's of no import. The food is healthy. There are few calories, and I'm a shade less ravenous. It's forgotten by the time I'm up the stairs.

7:15 pm. Into the rice cooker went:

brown rice
sun dried tomatoes snipped into little pieces with scissors
4 whole cloves or garlic (chopping takes too long)
olive oil
salt

Meanwhile, the cauliflower and broccoli are steamed to a pulp as I'm managing dinner, kid's homework, kids lunches (which they are attempting to make for the first time ever. I can't say their help is a time saver yet), and the very annoying computer like game they excavated from the toy cabinet. Looks like I better make a salad.

The rice passes the gourmet husband test. Red beans from the freezer, salad, and some sauteed onion with a single sausage for flavor round out the meal. Pretty nice for a weeknight, but too time consuming. I add "look up super easy rice cooker recipes" to my to-do list.

Hunger calls again and I'm off to the cereal cupboard.

Efficient Spirituality

I woke up feeling energetic, in spite of a non-stop weekend of skiing (hint, hint for yesterday's riddle). Often post ski-weekend Monday's find me in desperate desire of rest, but not today. My body is sore, thanks to several face plants in the fresh powder. No, I don't know how to ski it yet, but yes I'm getting better. At least it's a soft-ish landing.

Nevertheless, I found myself actually looking forward to today's weightlifting sandwich. I love weightlifting. You'd think I would be the yoga type, but no. Yoga is way too slow for me. And why is it that all yoga classes are 1.5 hours long? Doesn't that seem like a long time for stretching? Where do all those afficionados find the time? I do realize I'm missing the whole spiritual self-discovery aspect. I'm actually very fond of spiritual self-discovery. I just like to be efficient about it.

And there's nothing more efficient than weight lifting. I'm in and out of the gym in 35 minutes, having grunted through every body part including abs, and a few strategic stretches (I make sure to think spiritual thoughts while I'm doing them. I do miss the group OOOhhhhhhmmmmm though).

The jog back was somewhat harder than the jog there. It begins and ends uphill, and remember, this is the city of Lombard St. When I say hill, I don't mean measly mound. I confess. I do have to abandon the jog in favor of powerwalking and panting up the steepest.

7:15 am You know. Oatmeal. Decaf capp.

1:20 pm After today's Lighten Up call on Childhood Obesity (register for the free download at www.mindforbody.com), I visited my favorite Thai lunch spot, Swatdee. The picture shows what is now a part of me. Every morsel today. Weightlifting, efficiency, appetite.

4:00 pm I'm very hungry, as usual at this time of day. A Zen bakery raisin bun, and one stick minus one bite of string cheese. It did cross my mind that my daughter's bite meant I was jipped a few calories, but she is so darn cute and sweet, that thought quickly drifted away until this very moment.

6:15 pm I'm off to an event tonight, so it's an early chicken burrito and a super speedy salad of pre-washed organic baby lettuce, a few mushroom slices and leftover dressing from yesterday. It hits the spot, especially because it was eaten sitting down, on a real plate, with the aforementioned cute and sweet daughter who gave me multiple light up the room smiles and laughs. Joy.

I speed walk to my evening event. Up and down a momentous mound - the Castro hill I already patronized this morning. Another 40 minutes round trip. I love these bonus workouts, and so does the lower half of my anatomy.

9:15 pm. I'm in need of more calories, so I know it will be a respectable serving of cereal. I eye the big bowl, and reject it in favor of the tiny plastic bowl. I know there will be two, and I somehow think it will be more fun that way. I'm aware this is a little odd. An available 1/4 of an apple also disappears.

What gets thinner as it gets heavier?

If you can answer this question, you'll have a hint to where I am, and what I'm doing for exercise.

Friday was meant to be a rest day, but I still had to negotiate with myself to not work out. Odd how I negotiate with myself both to work out, and to not work out.

7:15 My usual oatmeal breakfast, decaf capp.

12:15 What else? Peasant Pie and lentil soup. My favorite

3:00 an orange. After a 20 minute meditation that seemed more like a nap, this is as much to revive my energy as to placate my belly.

7:00 pm I wanted quick and easy because we are travelling tonight. Into the rice cooker go:

brown rice
black beans
canned tomatoes
chunks of zucchini
cumin
shredded cheese
a bit of olive oil

mainly organic. I love the idea of a one pot meal that's easy. This one got medium reviews from my gourmet husband, who prefers fresh, organic, pampered by buddhist monks, etc. But let's face it, it was a quick effort. One must make some concessions to convenience.

Any ideas for what to throw in the rice cooker for a quick, tasty, vegetarian meal? Post a comment if you have any insights.

Today:

8:00 am Oatmeal. decaf capp. Boring. Comforting.

11:00 am 1/2 of a peanut butter and pear sandwich on whole wheat. Yum.

2:00 pm 1/2 of a 1/2 and 1/2 fish/veggie burrito. We abandoned the first lunch spot because they were out of veggies. Veggies are non-negotiable. I was eyeing my son's pizza crust ( I love pizza crust), but it disappeared while I was engaged in negotiations for:

another decaf capp. It took three tries to get the one I drank, but it still was really a latte. I poured out a bunch of milk. One mondo size fits all. If I weren't addicted, life would be simpler.

Afterwards, I was full for about 15 mintues.

5:45 pm a smallish glass of red wine. Wonderful on an empty stomach while blogging. It's the small pleasures we enjoy the most...

Thai food tbd.

Do you know the answer to the riddle? Post a comment with your guess. I'll let you know if you get it right.

Date Night

Tonight was date night, so we chose a nice restaurant within walking distance. Although these evenings generally last two hours or less, they feel luxuriously lengthy. No rushing, no kiddie and adult conversations to co-ordinate.

We went to a local restaurant and once we had our drinks, asked the waiter to slow down the meal. Although I was hungry, I prefered to stretch out the experience. Soft, white flour rolls were placed on our bread plates, but to me, a bread without a crunchy crust isn't worth it's flour, so I let it sit there and consoled myself in one enormous glass of red wine.

A steak knife arrived that looked better suited to self-defense in the African tundra, and I noticed that the fork would have been just the right size for Kareem Abdul Jabar. When the entrees finally arrived, my husband and I both chose our salad forks to do the honors.

Fortunately, because we were sharing entrees, our attentive waiter brought us two salad plates and let us serve from the dinner plates as if they really were what they appeared to be: serving platters.

A quick glance at the menu when we ordered revealed that we were in a protein lovers paradise. Not a vegetarian entree in sight. So we special ordered the one vegetable dish the chef could make. It was quite tasty (all except the fried yuca, which made tofu seem like a flavor sensation), but certainly not vegetarian as it sported a pork jus.

Mind you, we are not vegetarian, as you will soon see. We just like our veggies, a lot. The other entree was a lamb shank, also Kareem sized, and tasty as well. We left lamb behind, and a little rice but not a single veggy.

Back home, as the family cereal ritual began, my stomach reminded me that veggies don't keep it busy very long, and I happily joined in with my own little bowl, and the remains of my son's, not to mention of a couple of bites of his abandoned crepe with way too much honey.

I could have eaten more at the restaurant, but I like to give my stomach a chance to notify my brain of it's status. So I reason that I can always eat something later if I want, and I often do. This may seem an unneccesisarily complicated routine, but it's become a sort of game to finesse the amount of food that will allow me to sleep well, give me enough energy for my morning workout, but not feel uncomfortable, or, god forbid, make my pants tight.

The day started with 50 minutes on the elliptical, my oatmeal breakfast and decaf capp. Lunch was a Peasant Pie (fritata) and soup, and snack was, guess what, a Zen bakery raisin bun with a bit of goat's milk brie (we're out of string cheese, so I had to go gourmet).

I do seem to eat the same things, over and over again, in spite of the dizzying variety of foods available. It must leave more room for adventure in other areas of my life...

PS Monday's Lighten Up call discusses my 10 rules to fight Childhood Obesity. Join us-there will be a few tips for big kids too. Register at my site http://www.mindforbody.com.

Chemical Transformation

As I awaken, a quick survey of my body reveals that all systems are go for my workout this morning. I'm delighted to be healthy when both my son and daughter have caught the season's hottest virus. Still, I'm not exactly chomping at the bit to trot around Golden Gate Park.

8:35 am - At the park, gear on, and the car is parked. I know there's no way out at this point, but nevertheless I happy to linger by carefully applying sunscreen on this thoroughly overcast day.

The weather is terrific for a run. A balmy 55 degrees, almost no wind. It's a good start, but it still seems an awfully long way around the park. I anticipate pain. I'm grumpy. I keep running.

Years ago I was sharing my enthusiasm for running with an acquaintance. I think his name was Ebenezer. I vividly remember him pronouncing that he had never seen a runner who look like he was enjoying himself. They all seemed so miserable, and this gentleman would never run until he saw a runner who looked happy.

Determined to prove him wrong, I resolved to always look like I was having a good time. This can require some effort, particularly during the first 20 minutes of just about every run, but I persevere. I make a point of smiling to those I pass, and thanking motorists for yielding to my cadence.

Today I grinned at a woman and her dog as we passed, and she returned a genuine, friendly smile. There's something about exchanging genuine smiles with a stranger that reassures my faith in all of humanity. If a stranger can smile at me for no particular reason, the world must be a pretty decent place.

Inspired by her warmth, I resolve to abandon my internal grumbling in favor of an ode to running. I first remind myself how grateful I am to be running. After 4.5 years of Chronic Fatigue, just being out there is a real treat. Then I notice the soft path, the beautiful trees, and the fresh smells of nature around me. I notice how great it feels to have a healthy, fit body that moves.

Coincidentally, as I was revelling in my ode, I feel a burst of energy quicken my pace. The serotonin is officially flowing, and I am really feeling terrific. My smile become even more genuine.

Yes, Mr. Scrooge, I do love to run.

7:15 am - my usual oatmeal. I'm not super hungry. It's that extra bowl of cereal last night. That's probably what fueled my run this morning, now that I think about it.

12:15 pm - Peasant Pie and soup. I'm still hungry, so 1/4 of a pear, and well, a small piece of pound cake with yogurt. Definitely gratuitous, but, probably because of the time of the month, I'm feeling less inclined toward severe hunger in the afternoon. I'd rather eat this now and postpone hunger until dinner time.

8:00 pm - it worked. I'm really hungry and have to munch on some carrots as I prepare dinner. 1 formerly frozen chicken burrito, salad, and of course, a kiddie bowl of organic whole wheat macaroni and cheese that my son abandoned.

I'm feeling good, but there's still an edge of hunger that, again, (blame it on the moon), I have less tolerance for. 2 small bowls of cereal take care of the problem, and I'm happy for it.

Inner Curmudgeon, Redeemed

6:50 am When the alarm goes off I linger longer than usual, contemplating how to justify skipping today's workout. It's meant to be a high-intensity day with weightlifting sandwiched between jogs to and from the gym.

The bed seems to have a magnetic lock on my body, but after ten minutes of creative contemplation I struggle out. I've reached a compromise-I'll do an abbreviated workout in the home gym. I'm short on sleep (too much blogging!), and my immune system is in overdrive fending off the virus sweeping through my children's school.

By four minutes on the elliptical, I'm ready to throw in the towel, but I remember my rule. No decisions to abandon the effort until I've reached ten minutes. This gives enough time for a few endorphins to trickle into my psyche. And guess what, by ten minutes, I'm engrossed in People magazine's "Half Their Size" feature, my blood has begun to flow, and I make my target of 20 minutes warm up.

Nevertheless, my inner curmudgeon perks up again when I face the weights, and again I compromise. I'll do two sets per body part rather than three. Later in the day I'll feel good about my decision to take it easy when my daughter comes home from school with the trendy virus. My immune system was busy this morning, and I listened.

8:30 am - I eat my usual oatmeal breakfast with the last bits of my son's cereal. I wasn't super hungry when I spotted his leftovers, but somehow a few extra calories seemed a good idea to carry me through until lunch .

12:45 It worked. I had a productive morning, undistracted by severe hunger pangs. I enjoy my usual vegetarian lunch at Peasant Pies.

2:30 pm. I'm on a call and starving. I'm booked through until 4:00 pm, so no time for a snack. How will I make it?? But miraculously, by 4:00 my heart is still beating and my hunger is hibernating. Its' 4:30 before I manage to eat my Zen bakery raisin bun, toasted, with string cheese, with a couple of tall glasses of water. My body sighs contented relief.

7:15 pm I'm very hungry again. A few sips of an Italian red ease my way into dinner. It's my leftover organic lasagna-like creation, and a garlic spiked salad (to ward off the evil virus) I was out of whole wheat lasagna noodles, so whole wheat penne and those little spirals fill in (no need to pre-cook). A couple jars of spaghetti sauce, a can of diced tomatoes, cottage cheese (instead of ricotta), a few sliced zucchini and some cannelini beans, topped with Parmesan and Cheddar. Yum, even the third night, and I didn't have to cook!

The wine is an indulgent addition to a Tuesday evening. Somehow the whole affair, in spite of my son's low blood sugar moans, seems more civilized with a long stemmed glass on the table. Particularly as I almost always end up abandoning the last sips. I feel so French.

As I'm on an indulgent roll, I pour one and then another mini bowl of cereal. The second is eaten with my very tired son in my lap. Something about cuddling him precludes any mental ministrations on the virtue of my consumption. I finish full, and contented.

Navigating a Potluck, and the Cupcake Reflex

The weekend began with a step aerobics class at my gym. Yes, people still do step aerobics. I consider it a classic workout, rather than a comforting throw back to the 80s. At least we stepped to a modern beat rather than anemic hits from baby boomer glory days.

Saturday was my fifth straight day working out, so I didn't have a whole lot of umph, but the pounding music and synchronized sweating carried me through, not to mention the promise of a Peet's decaf capp. after the class.

Saturday evening brought a potluck for parents at our home. Potlucks, as recently as a year ago, were a challenge for me. Something about novel food arriving at random intervals seemed to awaken my inner hunter-gatherer. I felt compelled to stockpile (in my stomach) enough food to survive the winter.

Fortunately, a little pre-meditation and a lot of practice has turned the focus of these events from stockpiling to socializing. On Saturday, I was only medium hungry as the evening began, however, some very attractive Vietnamese fresh spring rolls caught my eye. I decided I would prefer to wait until more food arrived to begin my meal, but my children had other ideas. As my daughter grabbed her second of the limited supply, I confiscated her roll and decided to make it mine. That way there would be more left for everyone else (that's logical, isn't it?).

My son grabbed one as well, but after a bite or two decided he didn't like it, so, as his leftovers are a staple of my diet, I ate his as well.

After another 45 minutes or so, I made my sweep of the food, taking modest portions of roasted veggies, salad and a few steamed shrimp with cocktail sauce. This sat well with me, and I added only a cracker with a veneer of blue cheese and a piece of prosciutto wrapped asparagus to round out my repast. About 1.5 glasses of red wine, and a couple glasses of sparkling water completed my evening's intake.

By party's end, I was officially hungry, but couldn't be bothered with my usual cereal, so I ate a convenient piece of Acme whole wheat walnut bread, coated it with a sliver of butter, and soon collapsed into bed.

My hopes for a Sunday morning run were dashed after I awoke to discover my body resisted being vertical, let alone in motion. It was time for a rest day anyway, so I luxuriated in bed until my son pulled me out.

Lunch consisted of some of San Francisco's finest Chinese food, which is very fine indeed. A small bowl of potsticker soup and sauteed veggies with steamed tofu and brown rice. I went easy on the potstickers because I wanted to have a light meal. 15 minutes after the meal, it was clear I had overachieved on light, as I was hungry, but I made it a couple more hours, to the middle of a cupcake making extravaganza.

In stark contrast to the baking efforts of my youth, I don't eat when I bake (which I do about twice a year on the eve's of my children's birthdays). Nevertheless, I seem to have a "batter on the fingers, fingers in the mouth" reflex. It's only the burst of sweet on my tongue that awakens me to my actions. I wonder if this will ever fade?

By mid-afternoon I'm ravenous, so I enlist another slice of walnut bread with butter. It's barely noticed by my stomach, so I add about 2 inches of a banana. A cup of rooibos tea with milk. Nope. Another piece of walnut bread, this time with a modest wedge of goat's milk brie. An apple. This is officially looking like "a lot of food", which offends my demure sensibilities (I blame Disney princess movies and Barbie dolls for these).

The memory of harsh judgement for my excesses echoes through my psyche, and I happily let it pass. My hunger exonerates me. Virtue is still mine, at least for today.

A Pecan that tells a story and the Mysterious Expanding Cookie

7:15 am - The usual oatmeal and grapes eaten "with" the kids. I'm on the floor in Cow's face yoga pose, the newspaper spread in front of me, eating while encouraging the kids to focus on their whole-grain waffles (Vans).

I discourage multi-tasking while eating, but make an exception for breakfast because...it's the only chance I get to read the paper for three solid minutes.

8:00 am - out the door, jogging to my kids' school for a content starved assembly on personal safety. On the way back, I hesitate a moment longer before crossing the street against the light. About 45 mins. of total jog time, over the hill and through the Castro.

9:54 am - my decaf. capp in 6 minutes before my client. I did manage to enjoy the foam.

2:20 pm -I've forgotten that I'm starving by the time I get to lunch. An emergency trip to school, this time in the mommy van, to pick up my fevered child, caused part of the delay.

I really wanted to stop for a Peasant Pie so I went through the various scenarios. Park in front while child waits in the car. Ha! a strategy that depends on a good parking spot in San Francisco?

Take child home and leave him unattended for ten minutes. He'd be fine.

But what if something did happen? I'd be forever known as the deadbeat mom. No, I'm more morally sophisticated than that. I'd be distraught. I'd never forgive myself. But nothing would happen. The vision of the eyewitness news report featuring my mug shot saves my reputation for now.

At home with my energetic but fevered child, I steam some brussel sprouts, season with a dab of organic Goddess dressing and some balsamic vinegar, and defrost another chicken burrito. Afterwards I'm still hungry, so I eat 3/4 of an apple and make some roibos tea with a bit of milk to sip at my desk.

5:30 pm - I'm off to a lecture tonight, and I'm very hungry, so I sit down with some more brussel sprouts and half of my son's lunch sandwich - hippy style raisin bread with a morsel of ham.

There are healthy snacks at the lecture, but I'm not hungry, so I pass.

8:45 pm - A fried egg and a kiddie bowl of defrosted Christmas stuffing constitute the main course. I need quite a few more calories, so I pour a bowl of cereal with walnuts, knowing that may not do it.

A sweetheart of a client (who lost 8.5 lbs in the last two weeks) has brought me some pecans in their shells. Her sister gathers them from her yard in Mississippi and ships them out. My daughter wants to play with the nutcracker, so she opens one and asks if they have been injected with honey. With that description, I have a nibble. WOW! It's pecan flavor times ten! Good God. Is this what pecans are supposed to taste like?

Oh yes. I'm in America where the nut flavor gets crushed in processing machines so they can come to stores in convenient plastic bags and sit on shelves for months while the fatty acids deteriorate. I remember. At least I only have to shop once a week.

I pour another bowl of cereal...no walnuts this time.

I'm probably done. Then I spot the "Thank you for registering for our very expensive seminar" cookies that arrived today. What the heck. I find one devoid of chocolate (or I wouldn't sleep) and chomp down. Whew! Is this pure sugar?? As I finish the last bite, I notice an incredible urge to have MORE NOW rise like a tidal wave in me.

Fortunately, part of my psyche splinters off, observes the chemical coup, and screams DANGER! DANGER! I shut the box, more hungry than when I started, and duck into my office for safety.

As I write this, the hunger has turned to a sinking lead weight in my stomach. Strangely, the cookie package didn't include an ingredient list or nutrition information with the prominently displayed re-order information.